A must-have for children? Social and emotional skills: Part 2/2
In a previous blog post, we talked about what social and emotional skills entail, the problem with these skills, and a cool project that set out to address it. In this post, I would like to share my experiences in how social-and-emotional-skill trainings are typically delivered to youth.
But first comes a critical question:
Why is it important to have such skills?
Well, the answer is quite straightforward. Social and emotional skills have a long-lasting impact on children’s view of themselves, of others, and of the relationships between themselves and others. Children who have a rich repertoire of social and emotional skills are more open to learning experiences, self-confident, good at regulating their emotions, and believe in their capability in forming and maintaining positive social interactions. In short, children reap the benefits of those well-developed skills in later years in several domains such as intrapersonal, interpersonal, academic, and physical health.
On the contrary, those who have limited social and emotional skills are at risk for future problems. They are less likely to maintain their friendships and stand up for themselves. They struggle identifying and labelling emotions of themselves and others, experience frequent emotional roller coasters, and are more vulnerable to distress. They are sometimes considered by their peers as a target to bully. In short, children who struggle to find adaptive strategies are at risk of having a tough time navigating their intra- and inter-personal processes.
How can children improve their social and emotional skills?
Children begin to learn social and emotional skills through observations. They observe their parents’ attitudes and reactions, and may internalize them. In addition to their parents, they learn new strategies from others (friends, peers, adults, social media, TV). They observe, practice, get feedback, revise, and repeat.
Additionally, in many schools worldwide, children are typically offered social-and-emotional-skill programs either as a separate session (e.g., in guidance hours) or combined with their regular school lessons. For children who would like to focus on specific skills, these trainings can be supported through out-of-school trainings.
Social-and-emotional-skill programs are often given in groups and involve multiple sessions. From my professional experience, here are some elements and steps if you’re curious about the fundamentals of such programs:
To me, the very first step is to invite children to think along together the skills they aim to improve in themselves. After all, a sense of autonomy is a must and each child is the expert of their own self. And they often surprise us with how much self-awareness they have about their qualities and especially about those that might benefit from a boost. Around age 8, children are already good about listing their strengths and weaknesses when asked. OK, some children may have somewhat limited awareness at first, but they are often quick to come up with a list when they listen to their peers’ opinions first. I think it also really helps asking children the situation where and how they can benefit from a boost at a certain skill. For example, if they say “I want to stand up for myself more frequently,” asking them what they mean and what difference this might make (e.g., in their friendships) can help us understand their world more clearly. In short, I believe that children have so much insight about themselves and their potential, and they are well-aware how these skills can make a difference in their life. Involving them in the process that concerns their very own self gives them a sense of autonomy and trigger their intrinsic motivation. When they voice the skills that they want to improve (in combination with our planting a seed that suggests change is in fact possible), children are more willing to cooperate.
Typically, social and emotional programs begin with a brief orientation (e.g., rules and the nature of the group) and next comes the transfer of knowledge. Children are typically offered with definitions, explanations, and exercises about a specific topic (e.g., how to become aware of one’s emotions). This component can be effective in gaining knowledge and raising awareness. Children can see how to model a behavior and to discuss about different scenarios (e.g., through role-playing).
Another complementary aspect of such programs is to provide children with a safe, inclusive, and heterogenous social context where they can practice the challenging skills they strive to learn (e.g., how to share one’s thoughts and feelings with a peer who makes an insensitive comment; skill practice/building). Through practice and feedback to/from peers and counselors, children could raise their awareness, see alternative way of framing and responding, and fine-tune their extant strategies.
Next step would be to practice learned skills in natural contexts (e.g., in response to a peer at school who makes an offensive comment about the child). Through making a repeated effort to transfer what has been learned in a training session to out-of-session life, children could increasingly feel more comfortable as though those skills work without trying hard.
During and in between sessions, children are often monitored, facilitated, and made aware that they can ask for support whenever needed. The goal is to encourage them to find their own adaptive and flexible coping strategies that could be practiced and improved at different contexts.
Take-home message
Social and emotional skills are crucial in understanding oneself, others, and social relationships. Unlike children who have limited social and emotional skills, children who are good at those skills enjoy the benefits both in the short and long term. Social and emotional skills are not set in stone and can be improved with learning and practice. It’s important to practice those skills in a group setting at different contexts, revising them with helpful feedback from others. It’s of importance to remember that those skills CAN BE improved.